More Australians Die From Heatwaves Than From Fire And Floods Combined

 How crazy are the heatwave extremes now frying West Australia, South Australia and Victoria? Well, the Northern Territory News is claiming Darwin is "chilly" and just the place to "beat the heat":

From the Sydney Morning Herald:

The number of heatwave-related deaths in Australia’s major cities is set to quadruple by mid-century, research shows.

There will be more than 2000 heat-related fatalities in 2050 compared with about 500 recorded in 2011, according to a federal government report.

The meteorological bullet will hit Brisbane and Perth the hardest, with deaths predicted to climb to nearly 800 in each city by 2050, compared with less than 200 in 2011.

Launching the State of Australian Cities Report on Tuesday, Deputy Prime Minister Anthony Albanese said climate change, population growth and the ageing population would all contribute to the growing death toll.

‘The overriding evidence is that our cities are getting hotter,’’ Mr Albanese told reporters in Sydney.

‘‘Heatwaves are our biggest national killer, well ahead of fire and floods.

‘‘This has particular relevance as our population ages.‘‘City residents are more vulnerable because of the Heat Island Effect (HIE) ... which can add up to four degrees to temperatures.’’

The report shows that heatwaves in the major cities are more deadly than other natural disasters, causing 2887 deaths since 1890.

This is more than bushfires (843), cyclones (935), earthquakes (13), floods (453) and severe storms (124) combined.

More than 400 people died in Melbourne and Adelaide alone from the 2009 heatwave in southeast Australia.The 1939 and 1895 heatwaves also caused more than 400 fatalities.

Here's a graphic of Australia's hottest days on record: 

 

 

 

The Northern Territory News. How could a newspaper that breaks such news be losing readers? Complete mystery :



Look, I know you want to know the rest of this story, but once you read it you can't erase the details from your memory. Think carefully if you really want to know how this sex toy was launched across a room before you click this link.

The Northern Territory News always delivers :

Aliens could be the latest to weigh in on the nuclear waste storage debate after UFOs were spotted near the proposed Territory facility.

How can you not read the story after that intro?

In the NTN, even storms have a local crime-related angle :




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This Is Local News The Way The World Wants To Read It

Yes, we all know that the Northern Territory News is the best newspaper in Australia, and it's not just because they focus on the stories that really matter :



It's the best newspaper because the Northern Territory has the most interesting and entertaining locals. And journalists who know Local News Gold when they hear it.

The NTN struck Local News Gold twice in recent weeks, with the tale of the $5 Blow Job That Was Most Definitely Not Given and The Cat That Calls Its Owner "Fuck Prick"

Both stories were picked up by aggregators like Reddit and Twitter, and read and enjoyed across the world.

But the NTN has to take a bold stand and stop **** all the swear words in their stories. They're censoring the true character of the Northern Territorians they're quoting in the tales.

For stylistic purposes, The Orstrahyun has uncensored them.

No $5 Blow Job Given :

Allyson White said the standout burn mark left by her seatbelt across her chest was proof the claims of "amorous activities" with the driver were not true.

"I was not sucking his dick - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest," she said.

"Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his dick unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a fucking rubber neck.

"If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's dick' - but it is not true and that's what is pissing me off.

"It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me.

"But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job."

'Hey Fuck Prick, My Bowl Is Empty' :

A Territory man claims his pet cat can speak English, with a vocabulary of seven different words so far.

"He can say seven words all up: mum, no, now, what, fuck, prick and why.

"In the evening time, if you don't drop whatever you're doing and pay attention to him, he calls you 'fuck prick'. If he really cracks the shits, he'll piss in his drinking water just to let you know he's really shitty."

The foul-mouthed feline doesn't take non-attention kindly. During the Duncans' wedding it swore at guests.

Mr Duncan said the guests were pre-warned, so "they pretty much ignored him".

It's been a long time since I've been to a wedding where we were pre-warned to ignore a swearing cat.

Both stories must be read in full.

I was wrong. I will pay to read online news, but only if it comes from the NTN.

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